I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
