There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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