she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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