I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
