so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
