she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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