I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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