I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
