i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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