the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
