I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
