so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
