Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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