Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
