sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
