She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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