I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
