Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
