we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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