I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
