Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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