Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
