I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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