I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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