so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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