You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
