btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
