My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
