my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize