I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
