Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
