fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
