the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
