My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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