Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
