chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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