Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
