so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
