True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
