Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
