Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
