I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think my vagina is haunted
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
