i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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