I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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