Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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