Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
