Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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