Someone shit on the floor
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
