I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
