we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
