So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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