Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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